Not a week for the weak

Well this just has to be what one calls “one of those weeks”.
This one was probably one of the worst I’ve experienced. Not asking for sympathy but just expressing myself with the home of committing it to paper and out of what remains of my traumatised, abused, stressed, battered, beaten, bruised emotional system.
tatty tedWhere to begin.
• Oh yes, already up to the eyeballs in debt – having no cash in the bank just escalated that to a new cliché, drowning in debt. Letters from my landlord and calls from my debtors laid a fabulous baseline of what was in store.
• Between calls I received one from the dermatologist who has been working with my neurologist to try find the cause of the skin rashes all over my arms and legs. This resulted in the neurologist instructing me to put an immediate stop to my lifeline. I have to stop taking my modafinil, tablet that enable me to function as a normal human being. These stop me from experiencing between 10-20 seizures every day. So great stuff, she is going to get a drug approved to give me in replacement but I have to be off the modafinil and my skin clear before I see her again – in December. Come on! This is where I wish I were a bear and could just go into hibernation for a month or so.
• Being a bear wouldn’t work though, as we don’t have enough food to get through the week never mind a winter. I have made weird concoctions using the last of the rice and noodles – some nice tasty meals I may add but not really recipes for the Jamie Oliver show. We managed to overstay visits at family twice so they were sort of obliged to feed us, but one cant do this too often. So sitting here on Friday drinking black tea and not even a slice of toast to go with it just highlights how low the stocks in the galley are.
• Then the non smokers will be thrilled to hear I had to do the smoke free thing for the whole week. I had my last on Monday and thought I was bearing up alright under the circumstances. That is until my folks popped in yesterday, I thought I managed to look bright and cheery enough but obviously not when my mom popped back later with a bowl of fruit and a packet of cigarettes. Lovely, I was dizzy when I smoked the first three one after another. I did feel a little guilty but hell, I didn’t buy them and I didn’t ask for them.
• Then there’s the gas and electric. Already on meters so I can pay my arrears (£6.50 per week on each) – I couldn’t tumble dry in case we ran out and since the gas is too expensive that I can’t put the heating on, the washing has taken the whole week to dry, I even ironed some clothes damp last night. We have £2 electric (emergency) left and no gas.. this means no hot water and having to find somewhere to eat tonight. BRITISH GAS should hang their heads in shame though as they promised to send some vouchers at the beginning of October and Im still waiting for them.
• So I had £1.17 in the bank at the beginning of the week now I have minus £18.83 because the bank took off my household insurance. This I will pay dearly for in bank charges due to the account being in a negative balance – great hey!
• Then I woke up to finish my letters on the National debtline site to try address my financial problems and whoa is me, the internet is off. Now Im not sure if it is virgin media fault or if it is mine. I am busy changing service provider to tesco in order to save £30 per month but im not sure when the switch over is.Tattered_Teddy_Bear_by_metallixfaker
So to sum it up I woke up this morning to the light beaming in my room due to the fact that my makeshift curtain pole fell on top of me yesterday, I can’t get onto the internet, I have a pile of damp washing still needing ironed. I dare not iron lest the £2 left gets used up and im on my last cigarette. Today I have to have a cold shower, dress in some of the less damp clothing and get out to visit somewhere warm and where I can get something to eat – I will probably have umpteen seizures along the way which, needless to say, panics people.
Tomorrow I will get £45 in benefits of which £18 is already gone on the bank arrears and probably another £9 on charges for being in arrears.
I will not be putting a radio on to hear people say the benefits should be cut or that we should be out there working – I wish I could but can’t find a boss whose willing to deal with their staff having blackouts all day.
Its certainly been a trying week, but Im alive and I can walk and talk and see , hear, smell and feel so I am probably better off than millions of other people – so what do I have to moan about hey?
Roll on tomorrow….roll on next year…..i wish I could win the lottery but I can’t afford a ticket so I just hope something will come up to make the future look a little brighter and my bedroom a little darker.
Have a wonderful day!

tatty ted 1


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